Well, my big news (which I honestly feel only half ready to share) is that I am pregnant, due in August.
The standard reply to this announcement is ‘Congratulations!’ Which seems somehow far too simple to acknowledge the myriad emotions that accompany pregnancy. It is this very exciting, happy thing that is somehow the very essence of the force of life. It is also confusing, overwhelming, and incredibly scary. It threatens to change most everything about my life and even about who I am.
The first few months I felt miserable with nearly constant nausea and ever-present exhaustion. My mind was telling me that I had so much to do to prepare and yet my body was making it clear that I was lucky to get the bare minimum done for each day. Blogging was on my mind and certainly there’s been a lot of emotions, a lot of new experiences, and a lot of new thoughts that writing could help me process or to share. But I just didn’t have the energy and I wasn’t ready to share.
Finally most of the nausea has passed and I feel much more like I am able to tackle life, which is good because I still have so much to do. I’m ready to get back to posting, even as I try to figure out how this is going to change my blog. I don’t want this to become a mommy blog, writing about the best baby shampoo or how to get a baby on a regular sleep schedule. I’m sure that I’ll be appreciating that those blogs are out there, but I don’t want mine to be that way. I want the sort of blog that a non-parent would like to read too.
I want to keep the travel and the adventure and the fun. I’m not sure exactly what direction things will take with my writing here. Certainly becoming a mom will have some influence on my writing, but I want to keep this as a place where I can express myself. And not myself as Kyla the mom, but just Kyla. Maybe that’s just me trying to hold on to an old me that feels very much like it won’t survive this. Maybe I’ll find some success in keeping that old me. Or maybe new me will be somebody I like even more.
Anyway, I hope/plan to get back to posting a bit more.